do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
