Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you will always have a special place in my vag
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
