I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
