Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
