well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
