The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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