I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
