A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
