After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Farmville is her only friend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
