it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize