Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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