Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
