oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
