My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
