I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
