why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
