My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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