If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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