how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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