I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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