Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
