is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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