what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
