Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
