you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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