Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize