is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
