True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
