Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
