By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
even my farts smell like vagina
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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