fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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