your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
