According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
