Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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