do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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