I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
