my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Green mimosas i think yes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
