im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
