I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
