'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
