you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
