trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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