Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
