I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
