Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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