Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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