i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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