No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
