i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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