Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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