today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
