I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
