Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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