I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
