my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
