i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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