Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize