you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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