She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
