either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
is it fun? or sober?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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