He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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