The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
