Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize