Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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