I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
