my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His hands were made for my vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
