im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize