um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
