I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
