I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
