It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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