Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The power of my boobs compel you
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