sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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