it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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