"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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