just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize