The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
