she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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