I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
