lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
