I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
