what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize