oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
