Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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