I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
