i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
