Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
