I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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