I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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