a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
