i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
