did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
