So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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