either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
