I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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