her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
