Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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