I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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