I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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