you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
