she smelled like a LAN party
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
