Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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