I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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