Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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