My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
