No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My ass is underappreciated
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
