she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize