Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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