oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
