At least make sure they are 18
Why
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
