Pants 0. Shit 1.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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