he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize